I dread January 5th. I dread February 22nd. And I dread the days between January 5th and February 22nd.
January 5, 2009 marks the 5th anniversary of the LAST time my mom was admitted to the hospital, and the last time I saw her eyes open. The last time I spoke to her while she was conscious, although she couldn't speak because of the ventilator. The last time I was able to say "I love you mama" and know for a fact that she heard me. The next day, she fell asleep. But that day, January 5th, in the ICU, my mom's eyes were open, she communicated by writing notes on a pad (although it exhausted her) and hand gestures. Yes,including THAT hand gesture!
February 22, 2009 will mark the 5th anniversary of my mother's death. The end of her heroic 5 year battle with congestive heart failure, her multiple admissions to the ICU and being placed on ventilators; the end of pain and suffering and illness and anxiety. It marked the end of her final hospital stay that had included strokes, heart attacks, ventilators, kidney dialysis and more.
I wanted off the roller coaster...I wanted my mom off the roller coaster..and finally the ride ended. 5 days after my mom's 70th birthday. Over 5 years of life threatening illness, many many hospital admissions, almost 2 months on a ventilator asleep and finally it was over, and mama was at peace and pain free.
I dread January 5th through February 22nd. Bring on February 23rd. I miss you mama. I love you. xoxo becca
No comments:
Post a Comment